Please Note: Due to the current situation with COVID-19, I am offering Telehealth video therapy sessions via a HIPAA-compliant videoconferencing service. If interested, please let me know.
Do You Really Need Couples and Marriage Counseling?
Have you been considering marriage counseling or couples therapy because you’re in a marriage or relationship that either feels dead or, at the other end of the spectrum, is just about anger?
Few things are more emotionally painful than sharing your life with someone and not being able to connect with that person in a positive way.
If it seems like every time you try to talk to him or her it doesn’t go the way you hope, after awhile you might stop trying. But that doesn’t mean the desire to connect with your partner has gone away…
That desire is the good news. That desire indicates there’s hope – hope and the possibility that there’s a chance that the embers of what your relationship once was can be awakened, and brought roaring back to life!
Lest that sound like a romance novel, let me add that bringing that relationship to life again is going to take work. Movies and romance novels tend to gloss over that part.
Can Couples and Marriage Counseling Help?
Research has shown time and time again that professional couples counseling and therapy helps couples effectively address a wide variety of issues in a relatively short period of time and that client results and satisfaction levels are quite high.
What you should look to achieve in marriage counseling or couples therapy will depend, to a large extent, on your reasons for seeking help in the first place, as well as how motivated you are to create change and see your relationship succeed.
Some of my clients have sought therapy in order to put an end to seemingly endless arguments. Others have been looking to rebuild trust and intimacy in the face of infidelity. No matter what issues you’re facing, I can help your partner and you:
- Develop ways to talk about sensitive subjects, such as jealousy, money, and sex, so you both feel heard and understood;
- Understand and resolve repetitive behavior patterns that are causing conflict;
- Better understand each other’s needs and desires;
- Manage, stress, anger, and emotional reactivity;
- Work through commitment issues and decide whether or not to get married, start a family, or get back together after a separation or divorce;
- Improve your intimacy and sex life;
- Deal with the emotional challenges involved with infertility and adoption;
- Rebuild trust and intimacy after an affair; or
- Determine whether or not your relationship can be saved.
On top of helping you resolve issues such as these, I can also provide an objective assessment of the problems you’re facing.
When we’re embroiled in the frustration and pain of a relationship that’s not functioning, we can easily lose perspective and miss the underlying causes of the difficulties we’re experiencing.
The couples counseling services I offer can help your partner and you take a step back and make conscious the often unconscious, repetitive patterns that lead to relationship conflict.
How Does Couples Counseling Work?
Our first task will be to make sure we’re a good fit; to establish a relationship that honors who you and your partner are, and provide you with a trusted, non-judgmental place to explore how you got to this place of emotional pain.
It is not uncommon for the same two people who once spent hours on the phone when they first met, or long evenings sharing their lives at the beginning of their relationship, now to talk only about the kids, their relatives, or their work, or sadly, not even that.
So, first and foremost, we will make sure you have the opportunity to talk to each other, and more importantly, listen. This will help you explore your relationship, better understand the difficulties you face, take personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions, understand each other’s needs and desires, and start to work together to create positive change.
I also often take some time to work with each partner individually, in order to discover each partner’s take on the issues they’re facing. This is especially true if the your partner or you don’t feel comfortable discussing certain subjects with each other … And, while no subject should feel off-limits, if you’ve reached the point in your relationship where you no longer feel comfortable discussing certain things with your partner, you probably need couples counseling more than you know!
Perhaps most important, is the confidential, safe, and contained environment I provide, in which you and your partner can set aside time to communicate, and learn to do so effectively. Effective communication is fundamental to any successful relationship, but it is anything other than automatic. Effective communication takes time, effort, and skill … All of which are things I provide my couples clients.
When Should You Seek Couples or Marriage Counseling?
Unfortunately, couples counseling is often the last resort for partners that have been experiencing relationship problems.
While it’s almost never too late for a couple to experience some benefits from couples and marital therapy, the sooner a couple seeks professional help the more effective that help usually is and the better chance the relationship has of success.
Ultimately, if you and your partner are serious about creating the best relationship possible – whether you’re just starting out, considering getting married, or looking to reunite after being apart for some time – it’s never too early or too late for couples and marriage counseling and therapy to help you explore your relationship, uncover and overcome destructive behavior patterns, learn more effective communication skills, build trust and intimacy, and rediscover the joy in your relationship!
For more information about how the couples and marriage counseling services I provide can help, I encourage you to contact me at 408-309-5957 or email Talks2people@yahoo.com to ask any questions you have and schedule an initial consultation. I look forward to speaking with you.